Broken

Tonight my heart broke into a million pieces.  After enduring two very tiring days of parenting a middle schooler, I was finally able to sit down and open the lines of communication enough begin to dig down to the root of the problem.

With crocodile tears rolling down his cheeks,  my precious first born described what it feels like to be in his skin.  How his heart aches because he hears his classmates groan when they are asked to be his partner or work with him in groups.  What pain he experiences when his classmates ignore him when he tries to talk to them.  How he desires to be noticed, appreciated, acknowledged. 

The loneliness.  The sadness.  The hurt.  The turmoil.

He begged me to help him learn to talk to people.  He asked if I would help him think of cool things to say and topics that his peers might want to discuss.  He wanted to know things that he could change about himself that would make people like him more.  He was desperate.  

I listened to him and managed to hold back my tears for a moment or two.  I did provide him with some things to try... based on Biblical truth.  We talked about loving people, putting others before self,  and extending grace.  

He was convinced that those solutions would not suffice.  "What if they still don't like me?", he whimpered.

I am broken for him tonight.  Not because he doesn't fit in, but because he feels like he needs to do so.  How I wish I had taken opportunities to celebrate him for who he is!  Perhaps then he would recognize what a treasure he is, not only in my eyes, but in the eyes of our Lord.  Oh, that he would "get it" - what freedom he would have if he really comprehended what it means to be created in the image of God! 

 

Much like his mother, Houston has fallen into the trap of believing the lies perpetuated by our culture.  He is so  inundated with lies that the lies seem to be truth and the truth seems to be a lie.  Sheesh.  What a scary place for our babies!  Even worse, what a scary place for us all!

Though broken, tonight I am thankful.  I know a savior who is in control.  Tonight I am praying for my children - 

"Lord, I pray that you open their eyes to Your truth.  For every worldly whisper that causes them to feel frail and insignificant, Lord, I pray that Your Holy Spirit shouts truth to their souls.  I pray that they never fit in - that they never change to be more like the world... rather grow into godly young men who bring You honor in everything that they do.  Use them, Lord.  Change lives through my children.  I pray that Houston's pain today was not in vain, but that in some way what Satan meant for harm, You will use for good.  I trust you, Lord."