Convicted.

I'm angry.

Someone made me really mad.  Want to know what she did?  Probably the cruelest thing imaginable.  

She witnessed by bad behavior, then called me out on it.  On Facebook.  Without really saying my name - but, I knew.  

Beyond that, she did it by quoting my favorite book - the Bible.  Even worse, she quoted from one of my favorite books of the Bible - Matthew.  (Hers was a modernized version, but I recognized it at once!)

Matthew 7:12  "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets."

And, friends, when I saw it, I was Mad.  

Livid. 

Angry.  

Vengeful.

How dare she?  Can you believe it?  How could anyone do such a thing?  

Immediately, I did what I thought would be best.  I began thinking of something to say in response to the post.  Because I love Matthew 7, an immediate response came to my mind.  

I smiled just thinking about it...  It was going to be gooood.  I'd show her.  

I was almost giddy as I imagined what her reaction would be when she opened her Facebook page to see my polite response.  

"Matthew 7:3, sweet friend."

Oh, what powerful words!  "Why do you see the speck in your  brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"

Excitement built.  My heart was pounding.  It was too easy.  I needed to just sit and smirk for a few moments before my fingers danced across the keyboard.... 

The longer I sat, the less appealing my plan became.  The Lord began to work.  The truth in His word began to sink in.  

Excitement gave way to conviction.  Conviction gave way to repentance.  

Isn't God's word powerful?  In just a few moments, the Holy Spirit was able to remind me that she was right.  I had been unkind.  She was right.  I had disobeyed God's command.  She was right.  I was wrong.

As only the Lord can, He also reminded me that I needed to deal with my own sin before I worried about "showing" anyone else.   Yep, my own sin will be more than enough of me to worry about.  

Sheesh.  I am so thankful for grace.  If I ever happen to have a brain lapse that causes me to believe that there is anything good in me - I need only to remember this moment.  Apart from Christ, I am nothing.  Apart from Christ, I am vile and evil.   

I am my own worst enemy.  I fail and fall short of perfection every day.  The more I study God's word, the more I realize how miserably short of perfection I fall.  I battle my flesh with every breath I take, and I lose the battle a lot.  On those days when I have done or said stupid things, I am hard on myself.  Really hard on myself.   It really really stinks to have someone point out my faults - call attention to my bad behavior - shine a light on the ugly truth.  I hate being wrong.  Even more than that, I hate when my behavior does not reflect my love for the Lord.  It breaks me to recognize how sinful my nature is.  And I totally DESPISE having someone point out that I am wallowing in sin.  D.E.S.P.I.S.E.   I.T.

But, I need to be called out.  And I need to respond with a repentant spirit - not in anger.  

My prayer is that my walk with the Lord will be so intimate, so consuming, that I will reflect His holiness in all that I do.  And, in the moments that I fail to walk in His will, that I will immediately repent and seek His grace.

Let me edit my opening thought... Someone made me thankful.  She witnessed my bad behavior, called me out, and helped me to recognize God's grace in my life.

Lord, forgive me for failing you.  Forgive me for my sin nature.  Forgive me for thinking about myself before I think of others.  Help me to extend the same grace that I have been blessed to receive.  Help me to love like you love.   Make my heart's desire to bring you glory.  I love you, Lord.  I'm humbled by Your endless grace.

Awestruck

"And who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" - Esther 4:14

I am in awe at how big God is.  I am challenged to think about the fact that there is purpose in every moment of every day of my life - that every encounter with every person happens for a reason: from a brief "hello" to passers-by in Wal-Mart to lengthy conversations with coworkers and friends - every moment counts.  He is sovereign.  He orchestrated it all.  Nothing He does is ever wasted - ever.

Moments are only wasted if we choose to waste them.  That is a sobering thought.

I cannot help but wonder how many moments I have wasted in my life.  How many times has the Lord placed me in the path of another person only to watch as I ignore an opportunity to bring Him glory?  It breaks my heart to realize that I waste more "time" than I use.  

I'm pretty sure that the Lord has been listening to my prayers each day with an amused grin on His face.  He probably gets a good chuckle out of the fact that I ask Him to "use me in the lives of others".  I can almost picture Him saying, "Sweet girl, I am trying!"  (I added Sweet Girl for effect - He knows my heart, so I suspect he might choose an alternate adjective.)  Boy, am I thankful that He is patient!   Otherwise, I'd be in bad shape.

For the past few months I have been praying for the Lord to open my eyes so that I can see people like He sees them - for His heart for people - for spiritual discernment.  His word tells me that not only will He answer my prayers, but He will also reveal things that I didn't even know to ask about. (Jeremiah 33:3)  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, He has answered.  So many people who need His love have crossed my path recently.  The encounters have initially all seemed to be "normal - lunch dates, work appointments, phone calls, Facebook messages.    Oh friends!  There has been nothing normal about these encounters!  Each and every one has been the springboard for conversations that reveal almost inconceivable pain in their lives.  I'm stunned by how many women - young and old -  have opened up to me about deep hurt, emptiness, loneliness, and a desire for "something more" lately.

I have listened as women I barely know open up about the devastation in their lives, sharing stories of heartache that are almost too horrible to comprehend.  One thing that each precious woman has had in common is a consuming desire to feel valued and loved.  Each one, in her own way, has been desperately seeking ways to fill the emotional void.

The need to know Christ is almost palpable in their lives.  I know that I have been placed in these moments, with these people, in these situations for a reason.  I pray that, like Esther, I will be mindful of God's timing and that my concern will not be for myself, but for the needs of others.



Lord, use me.  Bring others to You through me.  Help me to see people the way that You see them.  Give me your heart for people; help me to be compassionate, selfless, and kind.  Put Your words in my mouth - Your thoughts in my mind - Your love in my life.  I love you, Lord.  I thank you for saving me.  I thank you for the opportunity to be right here, right now - for such a time as this.